


Oh Baby!

by plsnskanks (orphan_account)



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, eduardo becomes a baby, one of those dumb ideas that wont leave me alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 05:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15812694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/plsnskanks
Summary: Tord fucks up and now Eduardo is fun sized





	Oh Baby!

It starts with Tord shuffling nervously into Edd’s room, which is never a good sign. Not guiltily, you see, Edd learned long ago that where most people have a conscience Tord has a maniacally laughing voice that says “do it again”. So when he sees him looking anxious he knows he’s probably done something that would make Edd mad.

Except not much can make Edd mad today. Today is his anniversary with Eduardo and they’re going out to celebrate and it's going to be nice.

“Uh hey Edd,” Tord says nervously.

“Yeah?” Edd responds, looking him over for any giveaway as to what it could be that he did.

“So we have an issue with Eduardo.”

We. Oh yes, we do, do we?

“And that is what exactly?” Edd said waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Well this shoe is steel-toed and full of cement.

“So he’s not exactly… legal anymore.”

“W-wha,” Edd stammers before he notices Tord is wearing a backpack. A backpack that is gurgling. 

“Tord.”

“Yes?”

“Turn around.”

“Yes.” 

Tord turns around and Edd sees its not a backpack but a baby holder Tord put on backwards. 

“Oh my god-.” Edd of course recognizes the face he’s seen in photo albums thrust into his face by Eduardo’s excitable mom.

“It was an accident I swear,” Tord says, whirling around again rapidly. There’s a cry of distress and a wet sound and then something splatters on the carpet. Then Eduardo mini starts up a wail.

“Well if there’s one thing that didn’t change it’s that,” Edd says tiredly. “Give him here you idiot.” 

Tord looks like he wants to reply but he catches the look on Edd’s face and thinks better of it. Edd grabs Eduardo under his armpits and lifts him out of the dirty carrier.

“You’re cleaning that,” He says with a glance at the floor.

Tord groans. Edd gives him a dead eyed stare. “For our one year anniversary you literally made him a one year old.”

“Actually he’s only-.”

“He’s not going to grow up to kill you himself if you don’t fix this by tonight,” Edd seethes.

“Don’t worry,” Tord says, quiver in his voice. “I’m sure we can reverse this.”

With that Tord is leaving Edd alone with Eduardo. He sets the baby carrier down and brings in a bag full of what Edd assumes are baby essentials. He just opts to ignore his housemate until he is gone for the last time and closing the door behind him, leaving Edd to sit and enjoy Eduardo’s tiny presence alone.

Edd looks at the baby in front of him. He has to admit. Damn he is a cute kid. He has this little superman swirl of hair that dangles down over his forehead and when Edd tries bouncing him on one knee he gurgles out an enthusiastic laugh.

Edd finds himself melting.

At least until Eduardo’s temperament changes on a dime just as grownup Eduardo’s temperament often does, and his face goes sour as he starts up a boisterous squall. Edd can feel what is up even though he desperately does not want to know.

He looks around the room as if some magical nanny is about to crash through the window and offer to change nappies for him. No dice. And he isn’t really sure he wants to pass off this kind of responsibility to someone else. It’s a bit for Eduardo’s dignity that he finally decides to man up and he picks up the baby bag and pulls out some powder and a new diaper.

Honestly? It isn’t that bad. Sure it smells and Edd feels like a big clumsy dolt trying to strap the new diaper on but he manages and having a happy and gurgling baby again is like, ten times better than the angry squalling one.

He tosses the dirty diaper into Tord’s room and returns back to Eduardo.

Edd puts the baby carrier on and places Eduardo gently into it. That is how Tom and Matt find the two of them, passed out on the couch watching tv together.

“Where… where the hell did he get a baby?” Tom asks as he looks flabbergasted at the tiny thing sleeping on Edd's stomach.

“Maybe there was a package mix up,” Matt suggested.

“Babies don’t actually come via air mail, Matt,” Tom groans.

“Says you,” Matt says. “I’ve seen babies on airplanes, how do you explain that? Air mail babies.”

Tom decides he doesn’t want to explain or argue whatever Matt’s inane point is.

Edd cracks an eye open, “You two keep it down, otherwise you’ll wake Eduardo.”

“Eduardo… jr?” Tom asks, trying to see if there was a bit more to this than he maybe thought.

“No Eduardo, Eduardo, Tord messed things up in the lab and somehow caught up my boyfriend in the mess.”

“Awh so he isn’t a UPS baby?” Matt asked looking put out.

“A what,” Edd asked looking at Tom for the rational explanation.

“It isn’t worth it, don’t ask,” Tom says. Edd nods. “Have you told the neighbors about the situation yet?”

Edd sighed, “No, I was hoping we could fix things before that was necessary.”

“How long has he been like this?” Tom asked.

“A few hours.”

“Riiight, my suggestion is if they come around don’t bother postponing the inevitable,” Tom said.

Edd closed his eyes and nodded, “Yeah, you’re right.”

They have dinner and while Edd is trying to eat his sandwich Eduardo is sucking a bottle of formula busily.

“I like this version better, it’s volume cap is a lot lower,” Tom comments.

“He’s a relatively easy kid, I have no clue what happened,” Edd smiled. “I’ve met his mom and she is a real sweet lady. His dad just wasn’t around apparently. He never talks about him.”

Tom shrugs, “You’re the one dating him.”

“Yeah, yeah, but I am not going to push the guy for his life story when he doesn’t exactly seem ready to give it,” Edd waves him off. “Part of why we work is because I don’t pressure him to do or say anything he doesn’t want to.”

Eduardo pops the bottle out of his mouth and coos in agreement. Edd looks down at him and pokes him on his little button nose. 

“Isn’t that right, isn’t that right?” He says playfully. Eduardo laughs before grabbing the finger poking him and sticking it in his mouth to gum on.

“This is it my friends, he has decided to eat me and I am afraid I have no choice but to let him,” Edd says with a mock seriousness. “I am weak willed against anything he wishes.”

After dinner it is back to the couch. This time Ringo pops up on the couch to find her spot on Edd’s stomach hotly contested. She tries to lay there anyways only to find a tiny hand with a grip of steel reaching out to seize her tail. She escapes with a wet tail and dashed sense of pride as Eduardo shakes under the violent tremors of Edd’s full out belly laughs, giggling at the sensation.

Tom and Matt saw the whole ordeal as well and are besides themselves.

Around eight pm the doorbell rings and Edd sighs heavily and gets it. He has a pretty good idea of who and what they want. Sure enough, he opens the door to see Mark and Jon standing on his step. Mark looks relaxed and Jon is wringing his hands nervously. He perks up as Edd opens the door. 

“Eduardo’s been MIA for a while and we were wondering if you knew where he was,” Mark asks, regarding the baby in Edd’s arms with mild curiosity.

“Ahah, well you found him,” Edd says, nudging the baby with his arms. “Er, Tord had a bit of a lab accident.”

Mark blinks at him. Jon gasps in astonishment and leans in to get a closer look at him.

“That’s him?” He says jerking his finger at Eduardo.

Edd nods. Mark rubs his eyes.

“So when….”

“By tonight, I put him on a deadline,” Edd finishes. 

Mark sighs, “I can’t say this is the worst or even most outlandish thing to happen. Alright. Well I guess we’ll make do.”

He pushes past Edd and comes inside. Jon follows after and the two of them plop themselves in what is most assuredly Edd’s favorite spot on the couch.

“Wait, what’s going on?” Edd says as he follows his two new guests back in doors.

“If you think we are just going to wait around biting our nails in our own house wondering if you four have managed to stick him in a microwave by accident, you’re dead wrong,” Mark said, examining his nails. “I am glad you’ve managed to keep your cat and each other alive as long as you have, but a baby, although not far, isn’t as self sufficient.”

“He means he doesn’t trust you not to kill Eduardo,” Jon tacks on, smiling at Edd with a bit of a wince.

“Thanks, I think I got it,” Edd says. He shrugs. “Not like I can argue, if you want to change diapers from here on out, that your pleasure.”

With that he settles back down on the couch, Eduardo on his stomach. He passes the remote to Mark and Jon and dozes a bit. Dimly he hears Matt and Tom come in, have a brief conversation and then leave.

Around a quarter to midnight Tord rushes in banging his knee on the coffee table in his haste and sprawling in front of Edd. He startles all four awake. Eduardo immediately starts to cry.

Edd reaches down and flicks Tord roughly on the nose as he starts to bounce Eduardo up and down on his knee.

“You get things up and running?” Edd asks.

Tord holds up the gun victoriously. Thankfully, it is undamaged from the fall. He fiddles with the knobs on it a bit and then motions for Edd to move aside. Edd sets Eduardo down on the couch and Tord aims and fires.

And what do you know. Standing naked in the middle of the living room, diaper discarded on the floor, is Eduardo. Who immediately takes a menacing step forward.

Edd puts a hand on his shoulder, “Woah, woah, he fixed it before midnight, murder is off the table.”

Eduardo rounds on him, “Your asshole friend-.”

“I know, I know,” Edd soothes. “I am just glad things got put back to normal, I was worried about you, y’know,” he says and without hesitation he pulls Eduardo into a warm hug. “Sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for idiot,” Eduardo says but the way he says the insult is almost tender. He turns back around to look at Tord. “It’s this asshole that misfired his gun, I was just coming to ask him-.”

Eduardo cuts himself off short face going a bit pink.

“Ask him what?” Jon says peeking out from behind Edd.

“That’s none of your business,” Eduardo snaps. “And why are you two even here?”

“It’s almost like you were missing for hours and everyone was worried,” Mark says sarcastically.

Eduardo once again looks caught off guard, “You didn’t have to worry about anything.”

Mark rolls his eyes, “There were plenty of things to worry about, glad to have you back at your normal size and mouthiness.” 

Mark stands up and Jon after him. He claps Eduardo on the back. “See you at home, don’t get lost on the way back.”

Eduardo looks like he is going to respond but Jon catches his attention first. He smiles up at his friend, eyes looking watery. “Glad your okay.”

Eduardo rubs the back of his head, “I told you I was fine. At least from what I can remember I was.”

Jon gives Eduardo a quick hug and then scampers out after Mark.

Somewhere in the exchanges Tord had managed to sneak out.

“Where did that rat get off to,” Eduardo mutters darkly.

Edd clapped him on the back, “Don’t worry about it stupid, we still got ten minutes of our anniversary left.”

Eduardo looks guiltily at the clock. 

“I was coming over to ask Tord if he knew what a good present for you would be because I couldn’t think of one,” Eduardo said in a rush, squinching his eyes shut as he said the words.

Edd starts laughing hysterically as Eduardo swats him.

“Stop laughing, I wouldn’t have gotten into this mess if you weren’t so hard to buy for.”

Edd stopped laughing to smirk at Eduardo. 

“Oh, that’s easy, lets get you some clothes, then I can tell you what I want,” Edd said looking at Eduardo as he waggled his eyebrows.

________

“I can’t do it,” Eduardo said.

“Yes, you can,” Edd said smoothly. “Go on, just touch it.”

“Edd it’s too humiliating, I- I don’t want to.”

“Just once, c’mon I’ve done it for you a few times.”

“It’s too hard.”

“Well alright, guess I am going without an anniversary present this year,” Edd shrugged and started to walk away.

Eduardo’s face pinched up as he looked immensely frustrated for a moment before it relaxed as resignation took hold. 

“Fine. I’ll do it.”

“Alright, need any help?” Edd said turning around and coming back, flashing Eduardo a winning smile.

Eduardo flipped him off, “What do you think I am, some loser who can’t even pick up a case of soda.”

He bends down and picks up the case. 

“Disgusting, I don’t know how you drink this stuff.”

“I could say the same for you and that crap you call a beverage. But I don’t, because I am the better boyfriend,” Edd says smugly.

That lights a fire under Eduardo’s ass and he straightens up as he speed walks to the register. 

“Like hell you are,” He says.

By the time Edd strolls up to the register Eduardo is getting his receipt. They walk out through the automatic doors into balmy night air. 

“I have to hold this shit the whole walk home,” Eduardo groans.

“I could hold it for you,” Edd offers.

“No way loser, I, the superior boyfriend, can hold it,” Eduardo says with a glare.

They walk in silence for a bit.

“So uh, thanks for taking care of me while I was, y’know,” Eduardo says without looking at Edd.

“Hey no problem, I mean I know you’ve heard it from everyone else a million times already but the thought of something going majorly wrong and you being stuck like that wasn’t exactly fun,” Edd said, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“I am just glad you are okay,” Edd says and he gives Eduardo a shy smile. It’s hard for him to express in words how much the man next to him means. Sure, the ribbing was fun and all, but when it came down to expressing feelings and dropping the humor deflection shield Edd suddenly found himself bereft of the right words.

“Okay? Of course I am ok. I’m more than okay, I am numero uno,” Eduardo said, smiling at him with that cocky, smug smile that he saw every time Eduardo seemed like he was getting tired or going to give up. He was full of piss and vinegar and the harder you kicked him, the farther he fell, the bigger a surprise it was going to be when he clawed himself back from the edge of whatever precipice was his mortal enemy today.

Edd isn’t exactly sure what happened between Eduardo’s childhood to who he was now to make him what he is. He just knows the result makes him the proudest man alive. 

A few weeks later Eduardo is browsing Edd’s phone idly as they are relaxing together on the couch. He notices under relationship his is listed as “son” with the profile pic being baby him. He holds the phone out to Edd.

“Change it.”

Edd starts to open his mouth.

“Change it or I smash it,” Eduardo says and the dead look in his eyes tells Edd that his phone’s lifespan is a matter of seconds if he doesn’t give in.

He shrugs and changes it.

He hands the phone back to Eduardo as proof and Eduardo continues playing with his phone. As he is looking through the photos he comes across one Tom or someone must have taken because it’s of Edd asleep with what must have been himself asleep on top of him. Edd’s hand is resting on his back and the whole scene is well… Eduardo sends the photo to himself and leans over to give Edd a peck on the cheek ninja fast.

“What’s that for?” Edd asks, smiling regardless.

“Just cause,” Eduardo says, closing the window and flipping the phone back into Edd’s lap. “You look kind of cute sometimes, that’s all.”

Edd smiles at him.

“But I am the cutest,” Eduardo tacks on.

Edd doesn’t even hesitate.

“Yeah, you are.”


End file.
